"Death is just a state of mind. And body. Mind and body."
--Aunty Doris Gunston (CEO)
The best place for
your best drugs.
"I run a massive drug ring inside the Gunston Retirement Home. 'Respect Through Fear'. That's my motto."
"I'm her hired muscle."
Welcome Home
Welcome to your spiritual home. I am Aunty Doris Gunston, Head Matron and CEO of The Gunston Retirement Home.
The end stage of life (specifically, yours) is a beautiful time in the lives of your offspring and as long as your cheques continue to clear you will always have a home here and in our hearts.
Bless you my children and as Skakespeare said "wither though dither all a thither."
---Aunty Doris Gunston.
"Hahaha, Edgar The Rapist. Remember that time he tried to rape my colostomy bag? Hahaha. And he got his chopper stuck in there? Floating around in my old piss. Hahaha. Good old Edgar."
Amenities
You will do so much shitting and pissing in this bed that we don't even bother trying to dry clean the linen anymore, we just biff it all in your coffin with you when you cark it in about 3 months from now. FFS.
-Trevor Gunston.
We had to put the only 2 black residents of The Gunston Retirement Home in the photo together. None of the other residents wanted to be in the photo with them. Old white people are racist as fuck. Who knew.
--Wayne Gunston.